Memories can be pretty intense occurrences in the mind, as well as the absence of memories. Over the years I have noticed a pattern within myself when it comes to dealing with memories – I avoid places that may evoke a strong emotion in me. Emotions are not bad at all, but in my case I have spent the majority of my life trying to avoid emotions. It has been easier and safer that way.
I now am facing a turning point in my life. I am surrounded by places that evoke memories which has caused me to stop and investigate the emotions associated with them. The memories aren’t necessarily bad. In fact, when I look back almost no place holds a negative memory for me. Instead each place holds an experience for me.
Location memories are the hardest for me to handle. I always think about what I was doing the last time I was at a place or I think I couldn’t visit a place again because it would be different from the last time I was there. Sometimes the memories come from friends that are no longer part of my life and going to a place that I would frequent with them brings back sadness of a friendship ending. Other times it is the memory of myself at a place. For example, when I go to the mountains by myself to the same place I look back at how I have changed but this memory makes me happy.
Photographs have a purpose of capturing moments as well as emotions. Photographs are wonderful, but again it is the locations that strike emotion in me. The photographs of friends and family, I am alright with looking at them. I noticed it is pictures of forests, parks, events, landmarks and buildings that cause a longing within myself for those places and the events that occurred there. I think so many wonderful events happened in the locations in my photographs that I feel sad and a bit lonely that I will not have that experience again. Other memories that are difficult for me are those of the pets that I no longer have. Looking at their photographs always makes me miss them. Especially the pets that were with me through some hard times in my life like Ian and Emerson.
I am learning how to deal with my memories and the emotions they cause. Sometimes they hurt and sometimes they bring joy to me. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t trade any of my memories because in the end that is all we really have. I am happy to have had so many memories and have seen so many things. I look forward to all the new places that I will see and people I will meet. The cycle will keep on going.
Adairmoon 