One of the items that I am trying to work on is how to be feminine, or maybe a better way to phrase it – how to recognize and appreciate the feminine traits that are in myself. Part of me has a hard time viewing the feminine, because I try to always make things equal in my mind for both masculine and feminine traits. Although, I tend to view the masculine traits as being more positive within myself.
I do find myself getting upset over the fact that a trait is masculine or feminine, I try to view them as just being who I am. I find it easier to handle that way. When I look at traits that are deemed feminine I often associate them with negativity or being weak. I know this isn’t really the case but I believe I have focused on the times that I have seen these traits being used for personal gain.
I tell people that I am not feminine at all or I don’t feel that way, but people think that I am. I am trying to pinpoint these exact traits that people see in me that make me feminine, besides the obvious fact that I am a woman. I know that seems like a lot of analysis, but it is something that I need to come to terms with so that I can become balanced.
I am terrified of being seen as vulnerable and most of the people who I would ask think that I am a strong person. Part of me is very vulnerable and scared of things, but I think that part of me hasn’t received the proper attention from myself because I force myself to be strong. To me being strong isn’t necessarily being feminine and I have to change that way of thinking.
I have to accept the fact that I do like things that are “girly” in some cases and I also like things that are more masculine than a lot of girls. I think in the end what I really need to do is accept myself.
Adairmoon 