Saturday night thoughts

Today has been a pretty good day. I truly enjoy the days where I have time to reflect on how things continuously change in my life. I have spent the majority of my life in chaos to the point that if things calm down in my life I get horrible anxiety. It gets so bad that I try to find ways to make things more chaotic, this is usually achieved by over-analyzing everything. I try to find ways to make things more complex because the calmness can be scary. It is as though I feel safer keeping my walls up instead of letting them come down. I have spent so much of my time being vigilant that I have missed out on having calmness in my life on a regular basis. Very few people are allowed behind the walls.

Now I feel lucky because for the first time in ages I am starting to find peace daily. I can find joy in my day to day life. I am learning how to live with my anxiety without becoming a slave to it.


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