One of my biggest struggles is worrying about myself. I seem to worry about how the people I am relationships with are coping with a situation instead of focusing on how I am feeling about the situation. The prime example of this is the ending of my latest relationship. Not to go into all the details, but needless to say I know there are issues both of us need to work through as individuals.
Watching him slowly breakdown has been heartbreaking and I know that I am hurting right now, but all I can focus on is the hope that he starts getting better. I know I should be focusing on what I need to do, but it is hard. I have been making some great strides forward, pushing myself to go out when I really don’t feel like it. I have had some great experiences over the weekend, doing things I normally wouldn’t have done when I was in the relationship.
I have slowly been realizing that I haven’t been living my life to the fullest over the past year or so. It makes me happy to know that I am getting but sad that I can’t share them with the person I love. I do know at this moment it is for the best, but I also know that I miss our time together because there were lots of great times. I guess that is why it is important to remember the good times and not focus so much on the reasons why the breakup happened.
Things will take time, but I will get through this. Even if I still worry about him, I have realized that I need to take care of myself first because I can’t help someone who doesn’t want help and can’t see the positive in themselves.
Adairmoon 