Stillness in My Mind

Stillness is something that has not been part of my daily life. For years my mind has been continually racing without stopping. There was always something to worry about or focus on, tons of anxiety. There are lots of theories regarding what is going on in my head, everything from depression to ADHD to anxiety disorder, hell maybe even all three (since they can be side effects of each other). Who knows. I can tell you what used to think, I didn’t think it was possible to stop the racing in my head.

It wasn’t until recently that I began dealing with severe anxiety, to the point that it was difficult for me to even leave the house. There was the breakdown in the grocery store because it started to get crowded and I couldn’t deal with it because we weren’t going down the aisles in order. Kind of funny thinking back on it, but still it is scary feeling as though there was no control over my environment. This round of anxiety hit me pretty hard. Needless to say, the recommendation came to go on medication to help me sort things out. When it comes to medication, there is a huge red flag. In the past it was something I wouldn’t think about going on because I didn’t want to be dependant on anything. Being sensitive to medication I can sometimes feel when medication starts to kick in and I panic because I am not in control (yes, I am a control freak).

Two days ago I broke down and went to my doctor for a prescription. Yesterday I took my first dose and for the first time in years my mind is still. When I talk to people at work I don’t become flustered, I feel like I am in control of what I say and not trying to get a hundred words out in 30 seconds. I believe this medication ended up helping my ADHD and for that I am thankful. There is still going to be some caution as I need more time to discover any side effects, but for now I am enjoying the ride.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Monica Essenmacher
    Jan 23, 2015 @ 19:58:56

    I now have an awareness that there are many whose bravery is hidden from view. ❤


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