Out of Control

So far this year has been a real eye-opener for me. Giving up control of things isn’t the easiest thing for me to do. Control, not having it, causes many things to be stirred up, mainly anxiety. Sometimes life just sends a wake up call to teach you how to give up control and learn some things are out of your hands.

The first issue was my body not cooperating with my mind. That was probably the start of this lesson. Most of the time I  forced myself to push forward no matter what the cost. If my mind is set on something it usually happens. This isn’t always a bad thing, but it can be if there is a cost to one’s well-being. My physical self said enough is enough and made me take a time-out. It had enough of being stressed and anxious. There were flare-ups in my body that seemed to come out of nowhere. After many lab appointments and doctors’ visits, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Needless to say, once the diagnosis came in it was time to take control again and find ways to overcome the symptoms of this disorder. In the end it came to learning how to accept that things were out of control and then learning how to get control back. Maybe the diagnosis helped me to gain control of my body, one area that I was ignoring.

The next lesson in not having control was being laid off from my job due to the economy, which was completely out of my control. This situation could have been negative, but instead it was positive. It has given me time to evaluate what I want to be when I grow up. It has given me time to see how I can incorporate my interests into a full-time career. Plus, it is giving me time for my body to heal (no stress).

Looking back, by experiencing two life events that I had no control over, I ended up gaining more control of my life. Control in a positive way, not out of a fear of losing it.


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