My brother once told me that I seem to make choices in my life that seem to make life more complicated then it has to be. I used to believe that. That it was somehow my destiny to make my life complicated and I must be doing it as some sort of sub-conscious punishment to myself.
Then one day the fog lifted and I thought – “Hold on a second, I have made all the choices I have made in my life because it is what I felt was the right thing to do!” It has nothing to do with some deep down desire to make my life complicated. I have made every choice in my life because it felt right. Sure, in some cases my decisions may not have seemed logical to those viewing my life from the outside. It is my life though. It isn’t as though I jumped into various situations thinking – “I am bound for the worst heartbreak ever, please sign me up!” or “I am going to make a complete idiot of myself if I do this.” I made every choice for the experience. If I didn’t make some of the choices that I did in my life I would have missed out at being at this exact moment in time and truly coming into myself.
I have experienced so many wonderful things by overcoming my fears. Fear of loving, fear of losing love, fear of succeeding, fear of failing, fear of reaching out, fear of being weak and fear of being vulnerable (to name a few). In overcoming my fears I have found faith, formed true bonds of friendship, discovered more about myself and found new avenues to express myself. Do I think I am a different person? I sure do. I have learned that I don’t have to be strong all the time and the first person I need to love as well as forgive is myself.
So yes, my decisions may seem overly complicated to some, brave to others and downright crazy to the rest. I am perfectly okay with that. I don’t think my life is overly complicated, it is just my life.
Adairmoon 